Chi of Cheese Pop Quiz
Look at the following photos. They display two different burger creations at two different stages...Bun preparation, and final product. The burger on the left is Subject 1. The burger on the right is Subject 2. Which burger builder follows the Chi of Cheese?
Subject 1 Ingredients
2 Great Value Buns - 100 Calories each
2 Great Value frozen hamburger patties - 280 Calories each
2 American cheese slices - 50 Calories each
Great Value mayonaisse - 100 Calories per tablespoon
Great Value chili sauce - 15 Calories per tablespoon
Ketchup - 15 Calories per tablespoon
Subject 1 Ingredients
2 Great Value Buns - 100 Calories each
2 Great Value frozen hamburger patties - 280 Calories each
2 American cheese slices - 50 Calories each
Great Value mayonaisse - 100 Calories per tablespoon
Great Value chili sauce - 15 Calories per tablespoon
Ketchup - 15 Calories per tablespoon
Subject 2 Ingredients
2 Merita Light Wheat Buns - 80 Calories each
2 Boca meatless burgers - 100 Calories each
Kraft 2% sharp Cheddar cheese - 50 Calories per slice
Kraft fat free mayonaisse - 10 Calories per tablespoon
Lettuce - 1 Caolrie per leaf
Tomato slice - 4 Calories
Mustard - 11 Calories per tablespoon
Ketchup - 15 Calories per tablespoon
Pickles - 1 Calorie per slice
If you picked Subject 1 as the Chi of Cheese Champion, you are correct. Subject 1 understands the value of simplicity with chili being the only extravagance. Subject 1 understands that American cheese is the cheese which best accentuates the burger flavor.
Subject 2, on the other hand, makes several infractions...I've had the Merita light wheat buns, myself, and they're good, but...meatless burgers? That's un-American. The meatless burgers actually lesson some of the other infractions. Cheddar cheese does not bring out the burger taste as well as American cheese, and lettuce, with no discernable taste, just adds surface area to the burger, spreading out and muting, the taste. However, since we're dealing with a meatless patti, any taste infractions aren't as grave as these transmogrified Frankenburgers have little taste to offend.
Also, you should watch out for the following words and phrases when following the Chi of Cheese:
light
meatless
x% (where x is a number)
fat free
Despite claims that these words do not connote perversions to the taste of the food, and while I admit occasionally products with these warning signs do maintain a pleasing taste, typically those words are warning signs of mutated taste monstrosities and should be avoided.
There are many deadends on the Way of the Cheese that block the taste and happiness from you...Watch out for those warning signs, and you will stay on the Cheesy path. Follow the Way...the Way of the Cheese.
posted by Bodog at
2:22 PM
5 Comments:
To be honest, I thought it was a tie.
You didn't say ANYTHING about the props that hold the cheese up. The fact that the cheese on subject #2 was "sharp cheddar cheese" and not "process American cheese food" was really all I needed to grant subject #2 chi status.
Unless there's a Chi edict that I've yet to fully comprehend...
Yes! YES! I win!
*leaps about with fists in air*
Ahahahahahah!
Well, here we have a division in interpretation. There are some who claim to follow the Chi of Cheese, but do so with impure forms of cheese...These Percentists, while attempting to follow the cheesy way, are really more following the frontage road of the cheese.
I follow the more literal form of Chi. I am a Caseinist.
I still stand by my original assertion. 1% milk isn't less MILK, really - and real cheese is real cheese. The percentagists get to eat MORE of it, if you stop to think about it...
Clearly, I need a bit more information about the Way of the Cheese. Do you have vacation bible camp or something?
Actually, I do eat real American cheese, not Cheese Food or Cheese Product. Pasteurized Process American Cheese slices, from Bakers & Chefs through Sam's Club.
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